Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
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I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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