Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
