Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
