Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
