this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
