don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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