Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
