as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
did you just send me my own nude
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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