i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
