M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
