I hate your face
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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