6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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