The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
