The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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