I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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