If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
