508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
