Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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