P.S. I can't hear my feet
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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