did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
