I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
