I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
