he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm getting married
To pizza
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
