I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
