left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
