Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
