We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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