there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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