I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I licked your asshole in confidence.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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