If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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