Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
