I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
