he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
