Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
