We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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