sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
