He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i can't believe i had my finger in that
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
