When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
