The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
