Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
