Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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