Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize