He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
