so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
