the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize