She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to make out with him forever
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
