So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
