She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
