My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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