Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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