what day is it and did you see me today?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
