I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
