she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You ruined the universe
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
