the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
