remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
