it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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