hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
