The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
