ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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