I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
