so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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