Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
