she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
