Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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